


I Should Have Listened To My Friends

by gabewritesnsfw (gabewrites)



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Masturbation, Other, Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 08:12:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19225171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabewrites/pseuds/gabewritesnsfw
Summary: Ben and Joe are notoriously known for being rowdy together, making jokes that they shouldn't and taking them too far. And it's quite funny to watch them banter until somehow Rami gets dragged into the joke- and Rami takes it way too seriously.Alternatively:What do you do when your friends call you vanilla for not joking with them about ass fingering at lunch and then you can't stop thinking about it.





	I Should Have Listened To My Friends

**Author's Note:**

> This is the stupidest thing i have ever written
> 
> Please dont pay attention to the attention given to Joe eating fries that probably lasts too long
> 
> This was written specifically 2 kill caz as most of my fics are so thank u for the funny ideas you're my favourite.
> 
> Don't hate me.
> 
> Just enjoy the 3k of rami enjoying himself.
> 
> Yes the title is from a NFG song shut the fuck up about it.

If asked, all four of the guys could agree that press tours and travelling and awards shows and premieres were amazing experiences. They would all say that the time they’d spent together promoting their movie was insanely fun and something they would never forget. But if you asked them in private they would all admit to being sick of having to perform as upstanding, appropriate, perfect men to make the press around them good. 

It was exhausting to have to hold back every joke that wasn’t clean, speak under the assumption that everyone was listening to the conversation and would start a wildfire of a rumour that blew out of proportion, to understand that pictures of everything they did would be plastered across social media with big news title clickbait even if it was completely false or out of context. Which is exactly why nearly the second the full schedule of travel died down they ended up hanging out for lunch alone. At Ben’s place. With not a camera or unknown person in sight. It was a relief to hang out like normal people and not famous people. 

And Ben was laughing his ass off watching Joe smile with a mouth far too full of the fries he had insisted on getting on the way over even though Ben had made sure they all had fancy little lunch sandwiches and chips to munch on. "I'm not trying to insult your tiny sandwiches," Joe spoke through a mouth full of fries, holding another fry between two fingers. 

"Joe, stop talking with your mouth full." Gwilym insisted upon Joe having better manners, but he laughed while he spoke, making it a little less convincing. 

Joe rolled his eyes and finished chewing the fries in his mouth, having to stop himself from throwing the next fry in once he'd finished. "I'm just saying that when Wendy's has a deal on large fries," Joe fails to resist and pops a fry into his mouth before speaking again. Gwilym sighs and gives up his effort. "I need fries." There was true earnestness in his face as he grabbed about 3 more fries to shove in next to the first. Rami reached over and shot Joe a questioning look as he went to steal a fry. He tilted the container of fries towards Rami and gave him a serious look, still muffled by fries in his mouth. "Only because I love you."

Ben crossed his arms as he swallowed a bite of his sandwich, putting on fake jealousy. "And I don't get any?" Joe pulled the fries towards himself and closed his eyes as he swallowed what was in his mouth. He then looked Ben in the eye with complete sincerity. 

"No, Ben, because you like McDonalds." Joe deadpanned and got himself another mouthful of fries while Ben gave the death glare of the century. Rami stole a few more fries for fear that the fries were about to be apprehended. Gwilym laughed as he finished a tiny sandwich. Joe held the fries up in the air when Ben, as expected, lunged for them across the table. “You should have gotten your own fries.” Joe replied as he tried to fit the last few fries in his mouth before Ben had a chance to steal them. 

Joe threw the then empty container across the table to Ben, as big of a smile on his face as possible while he had too many fries to handle. Rami and Gwil both snickered quietly as they watched the stare down going on across the table. Joe moaned around the fries in his mouth, an exaggerated noise of pleasure that contrasted with the few fries still hanging out of his mouth as he chewed.

The silent staring match between the two was only interrupted by the continuous rising laughter that made Ben crack a dumbass smile as he thought of something awful. “Enjoying yourself?” Joe nodded and made another noise, a lot faker and more for comedic effect than before. He clenched one hand into a fist and moved it questionably to play into Ben’s insinuation.

“Have you ever- ya know,” Ben added the hand motion himself, his hand balling into a fist as he flicked his wrist a few times. He could see Joe’s serious expression breaking with every second, his mouth working double time to chew before Ben made him lose his shit. Ben continued his awful innuendo of a movement, “with a finger up your-” Joe promptly lost his shit. 

He almost choked on a fry, but managed to survive, a few fries that hadn’t made it very far falling out of his mouth as he swallowed what he could and broke out laughing. “You do that too!?” Gwilym had his head in his hands and Rami was eating the last of the fries he stole in complete disbelief. 

Ben popped a chip into his mouth and smiled, his eyes shut in a way that looked almost pained. “No, but thanks for sharing that.” Joe nodded and admitted defeat by biting into a tiny sandwich, his face a little pinker than usual after that exchange. He didn’t exactly have a witty comeback for that in his arsenal of stupid comedic response.

Gwil was the one who unknowingly saved his ass with a casual, disapproving, “You two get so vulgar when no one is around to shut you up." He took a sip of water and shook his head when Ben threw a chip at Joe. Joe, of course, ate it and contemplated why something felt off. 

Rami was still silent as he crunched a chip slowly, obviously recovering from the passing joke. Joe looked over at him and then elbowed his side, giving him a warm smile. "You alright?" Rami nodded and laughed quietly to himself, tapping his fingertips lightly on the table. He noticed the soft noise and looked at his own fingers only to remember what Ben had said and draw his hand away from the table so he could attempt to stop thinking about it. 

His effort to let the moment pass was short lived as he looked back to Ben and then to Joe. There was no way he could just shove the thought out of his brain. "Is that what you guys talk about when I'm not around?" Joe was back to laughing and Ben laughed silently with an absolutely amused grin on his face. The laughter was contagious as Rami continued, struggling to keep a straight face as a few giggles got out. “I just- generally don’t talk to my friends about that kind of self discovery.”

Ben smirked and drew circles with his finger on the table. "You've never even been just a bit curious?"

Gwilym scoffed and swatted Ben’s hand off the table, letting out a laugh through his breath when Ben crossed his arms against his chest and rolled his eyes. “Oh, c’mon, piss off, let Rami be soft and charming.” Gwil looked at Rami as if trying to reassure him that Ben was just being vulgar and should be ignored. 

“Now you’re just calling him vanilla.” Joe shook his head and stole more of Ben’s chips, a surprised, “hey!” coming out when Rami playfully pushed him half off his chair with a hand on his shoulder. 

Rami laughed but he didn’t say anything else, a new conversation starting up in place of the teasing he was being subjected to before. Something about if they’d ever end up working on movies together and how they’d miss each other regardless. It was sweet, and Rami agreed, knowing how nice it was to shoot something else with Joe when they’d already worked together before and been friends for so long. But he couldn’t bring himself to completely focus on the conversation for some godforsaken reason. 

Maybe it was because his friends were talking about fingers up their ass five minutes ago and it was still a shocking concept. Maybe.

It was jarring enough that Rami managed to fixate on the idea his whole short trip back to his hotel, almost tried to walk into the wrong room on his floor, and put the do not disturb sign on the outside of his door without a second thought. Just a precaution. He convinced himself the sign was out because he wanted to get a shower, so he went on autopilot to the bathroom, and hoped the hot water would clear his head. 

He wasn’t _boring,_ Ben and Joe were just being idiotically rowdy like they always were, and that made Rami seem a little bland by comparison on occasion. Rami wasn't vanilla just because he hadn't thought about doing anything different than getting off like normal, taking 5 minutes and his right hand and thinking about sweet, simple _missionary position-_ fuck he was vanilla- but he wasn't clueless! He'd had thoughts about doing things that made him feel a little embarrassed, a partner taking control, he didn't mind the thought of getting his hair pulled, theoretically he was sure he'd thought about someone fucking him- he just hadn't thought about it outside of fantasy. 

He stepped under the water and shivered when he ran a hand down his side while wondering how he’d managed to get so worked up about the idea. It wasn’t completely new, he just hadn't put two and two together and thought about exploring that himself, lifting his own leg up and sitting in just the right position so that he could reach what he needed to, relaxing enough to let a finger slide inside. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair while wetting it, already taking notice to the fact that the shower wasn’t doing him any good. 

Why the hell did that stupid joke have to spark the interest? Why was he so damn curious out of nowhere when he could have tried out something new a long time ago if he wanted to? He wanted to ask why he was so warm and couldn’t stay still, but he’d figured that one out. With his hair lathered up, he scrubbed the excess shampoo across his skin, his breath hitching softly when his hands brushed over his nipples. Another hiss of a sound came out when he reached down to run his hands over his own ass. Everything was soft, slippery, too easy to fall into. 

He really did try to ignore the feeling until he was lathering himself up with soap and lingered a little too long on his inner thigh, humming contently as two soapy fingers slid right up the middle of his ass and pressed just lightly, making him catch his lip between his teeth. He had to take a deep breath before rinsing himself off, rinsing conditioner out of his hair, and trying to rinse the excitement out of his skin that wouldn’t seem to leave. He was still buzzing with excitement when he turned the water off, and still pointedly avoiding looking at the hard on that he wasn’t getting rid of. 

His head was swimming with ideas despite his best efforts to stop them when he reached for his towel and dried himself off quickly. His hair was a damp tangle of curls that he couldn’t bring himself to bother with brushing out, so he settled for soaking up as much water from it as possible and running his hand through it with minimal effort. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes as he dried around his lower half before walking out into the hotel room again and hoping for some sort of relief. 

He dropped his towel and pulled on a light, comfy sweater while ignoring his body’s demands, immediately making a frustrated little noise when he ran a hand across his stomach under the soft material. He cursed the arousal pooling low under his tummy. He wasn’t going to get off because of a stupid joke from Ben- there was no fucking way. He reached for his pants and tugged them on up to his hips before realizing that there was no way in hell they were going on comfortably. 

The pants hit the floor again and Rami pushed the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows in anger as he reached back down to grab his towel and then climbed into the bed, sitting right on top of the fresh sheets with the towel covering his front. He reached for the phone on his bedside table and tried further to ignore before realizing he didn’t know what to distract himself with. He couldn’t text Joe. He couldn’t think of anything he would want to watch that wasn’t a bad idea. He didn’t want to forget about the joke or the real desire he had to do exactly what it suggested. 

He slammed his phone back down onto the small table with a noise of frustration before reaching a hand under his towel and running it along his inner thigh like he had in the shower. A soft sort of moan slipped out that time, a pleasant tingling feeling working its way up between his legs. He easily could have satiated himself in another quick five minutes, ignored what his mind kept wandering to, but he let his hand creep up closer to his ass and kicked the towel to the ground again as he situated himself into a comfortable, reclined sitting position.

He didn’t do anything about it for the time being, but his dick was only getting harder from the attention elsewhere and pointing up towards his stomach. Rami pushed up his sweater again so that he could reach one arm up to rub two fingers against one of his nipples, a broken moan filling the room when he rolled it between his thumb and finger gently. The feeling only intensified when he let a finger brush against his hole just like he had in the shower, moving in little circles around the rim to test the waters. A long and flustered moan hit the air and took his voice higher than normal, his dick twitching against his stomach with interest. 

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that things would feel much better if they weren’t so dry, and Rami almost frantically scrambled to grab his travel bag from the floor and dig through it with one hand for something that he could use to make things go smoothly. He couldn’t understand how this specific time, even his sweater brushing against his skin made him feel good, his arm against his side sent sparks up his spine, his other arm against his thigh making want to wiggle his hips in place. 

He knew in one of those stupid travel kits there had to be some- there had to be something in all those little tiny bottles floating around in his bag- and he fumbled through it with a whine he hadn’t meant to let slip while he got impatient. It sounded so serious, a small bottle labeled ‘personal lubricant’ that was untouched and unopened in the bottom of his bag. He had no time to analyze before squeezing some out onto his fingers and sliding them right back where they were and gasping at the cold, but amazingly slick feeling. 

Nothing was pushing in yet, he hadn’t worked up to that, but the feeling of just rubbing and teasing gently was enough to have him breathing a little heavier, his lip taking a beating from how much he bit it in shock or in an effort to quiet himself down. His free hand had found its way to his hair now, threading tightly through his curls just for something to hold onto. He didn’t know what to expect, it was all new territory, but he had caught on to the fact that his fingers moving intensified every other touch before they’d even gotten inside of him. 

He was starting to wonder why he’d never just gotten over himself and given into trying out a sexual fantasy once in a while without needing friendly influence that lacked serious intent. 

Relaxation fell into his muscles when he took a breath and closed his eyes, knowing that he couldn’t just shove something up his ass and hope for the best. One finger circled cautiously, applying more pressure slowly as he steadied his breathing and tried to keep himself calm. It wasn’t easy when he wanted to beg for it, wished someone else could just do the work and lead him through it with care, but he grunted low and surprised when the top of his finger slipped inside easily. 

It was barely anything, but it left his mouth hanging open and speechless, the dull, pleasant feeling already something he wanted to chase after. He moved the tip of his finger around as much as he could, distracted by the new feeling so intensely that he lost track until he almost started drooling on himself and remembered to focus. He was a little too eager, shoving the rest of his finger in faster than he should have a scrunching his nose up at the strange feeling of something really being inside of him. 

He didn’t move his finger, only continued to roll his bottom lip between his teeth and kept as still as he could while playing with his own hair to pass time and calm down. He only took his hand out of his hair to put more lube on his fingers, waiting long enough that the slide of one finger in and out a few times no longer felt unpleasant and instead intrigued him. He could move it around a little, rub against the smooth inside of himself and try to find what felt good. He wasn’t experienced, and any angle seemed a little awkward for trying to finger himself, but he shifted and had no time to hold back a, “fuck!” when he hit something that felt good. 

Determination drove him to try to find it again, his one finger reaching desperately for the right spot. Just lightly brushing it again led to a chain of, “oh- shit, ah...wow, oh,” until he couldn’t hold back a groan and he felt open, too empty, and he had a desire to fill himself up. He slipped the second finger in next to the first without thinking, and even though there was a small amount of resistance, nothing felt awkward anymore, only a little tighter. He whined in the back of his throat when he realized he had to get things loosened up a little more before he could reach where he had before. 

In an effort to try something new, he untangled his hand from his hair and cautiously ran it down his side, not even attempting to silence the drawn out moan that rose and fell in pitch. He moved the fingers inside of himself just slightly, a whiny sound mixing with a still frustrated tone as his fingers sunk farther in but not quite deep enough. His other hand skirted dangerous close to his dick, punching out a quick and sharp breath from his chest. 

It was almost suddenly that he relaxed, tension really falling away as his fingers slid all the way in and he couldn’t prevent the soft, little noises vibrating in the back of his throat. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest already, but the feeling accelerated when he frantically curled his fingers looking for what he needed, the sound of quick, sharp breaths between his teeth adding to the intensity. 

He wasn’t expecting the sheer amount of heat under his skin when he pressed up against that same spot again but harder, with two fingers instead of one hopelessly searching. “Fuck- oh...my god, fu-uck,” his pleas came out not much above a whisper, breathy and desperate. There was a wet spot on his stomach now, his dick leaking without being touched, just from the pleasure being built from the inside. He couldn’t think of anything to do but to start moving his fingers in and out with the shallow thrusts that his wrist could provide at the angle.

He had no doubt in his mind that he wanted someone else to hold him against the bed and push faster, harder, better. 

Sweat was forming on his forehead, and on his legs, and under his sweater, even with the thin material. His wrist already ached just a little, and he could still feel the tug where he had pulled his hair just hard enough to sting. The only solution he could think of was to double down and work his wrist harder, feeling that his body might come undone as he pressed over, and over, and over into his own ass with the hopeless desire that someone else would take over and make him feel better than his failing wrist and strange angle ever could. 

“Ahhh...shit-” Rami got a hold on his own dick and had to stop to breathe when the pleasure skyrocketed, his sound nearly constant and gaining volume. He rocked his hips with a, “fuck-fuck, fuck...fuck,” as his fingers rubbed and pressed inside of himself the best they could, whiny little noises slipping in between. His hand stayed around his cock but it barely moved, his fingers doing all the work and making his hips shift up into his closed fist.

He felt like he was missing something, and he knew he could fit something bigger inside of himself, but he didn’t have it and his fingers were slowly becoming a frustration to keep moving. His breathing was falling uneven, and his legs were shaking, but he couldn’t do much more than whine and beg to himself or to an imaginary partner. The amount his cock leaked into his hand from his fingers pressing just right amazed him, and made things nice and slick at the very least. 

It wasn’t working amazingly, but he was trying to will his fingers to move faster, even with a cramped wrist and sweat rolling down his nose as he overexerted himself. He couldn’t stop but he couldn’t quite get enough, and even though he wanted more inside of him, he settled for the fiery pleasure that made his stomach drop when he fucked himself on his fingers and jerked himself off with his hand the best he could. 

He was being noisy, and he knew it, maybe hoped no one could hear, but he knew he wouldn’t have cared regardless at that point. The endless stream of, “ahh- oh, uhn...fuck! Shit- fuu-uck m-me,” didn’t give him a chance to breathe as he finally started building up to the end, noises in between his words unconsciously rising in pitch the closer he got. 

Just the right stroke up and push in made him sob in pleasure as release flooded over him, come traveling farther up his chest and in stronger spurts than he was used as his mind clouded with ecstasy. He couldn’t stop pressing against that spot inside of himself to force more out, only pulling his fingers out when he had nothing left to give and he thought his fingers were going to stay cramped in place. 

“Shh-Shit.” Rami breathed out and fell slack against his pillows while catching his breath, his hair a mess of tangled curls as sweat dried cool against his skin. He wasn’t sure if he could get up and was suddenly glad his towel was still close by so he could reach for it to clean himself up enough before bed. He massaged his wrist and wiped the lube off of his fingers. He was acutely aware that he’d need another shower to get all the rest out of his ass. 

He was tired, and felt like he might have just ran a mile, and he certainly continued to wish that he wasn’t alone. He grabbed as much of the sheets as he could without moving much and tried to cover himself up, not getting very far before giving up and feeling like he might fall asleep. 

First, however, he grabbed his phone, pleasure-drunk enough to be much too proud as he sent off a text to Joe with a dumb grin on his face.

__ _ I’m am  _ **_not_ ** _ vanilla. _

And he’d have fun explaining that one when he woke up half naked and sore in an hour. 

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh tell me what you THOUGHT comments motivate me to MAKE MORE CONTENT!


End file.
